Adipiscing diam donec adipiscing tristique risus nec feugiat. Iaculis nunc sed augue lacus viverra. Molestie ac feugiat sed lectus vestibulum mattis ullamcorper. Suspendisse interdum consectetur libero id faucibus nisl. Cursus sit amet dictum sit amet justo donec enim. Amet luctus venenatis lectus magna fringilla urna. Aenean et tortor at risus viverra adipiscing at. Magna etiam tempor orci eu lobortis elementum. Arcu risus quis varius quam. Et tortor consequat id porta. Venenatis urna cursus eget nunc. Nam aliquam sem et tortor consequat id porta .
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So when asked what motherhood is like during this journey of cancer and carer…. we as a family are walking, I feel the load. Watching the one you loves mind fade and memory leave. To fall asleep at a drop many times in one day. Your three daughters are forever growing with their storm of emotions coming tidal. I’m swimming through it all, for the most I push through with moments of sinking … I want to hold our children and tell them it’s all going to be ok but that I can’t, I won’t lie.
I remember standing in the kitchen one morning, wondering if saying no was the right thing to do. Looking to the universe….. “God? Is there a god? Sorry I don’t really believe in you but, fuck man, I really could do with a sign right now”. I put away my pleads and went on with my day.